Bill Gates recently shared a list of book recommendations for the summer, highlighting one book as a “must read.” The book, “How To Know A Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen,” by David Brooks, focuses on improving communication and connections with others through curiosity, empathy, and self-awareness. Brooks emphasizes the importance of being an “illuminator,” someone who shows genuine interest in others by asking open-ended questions and giving them the opportunity to share their perspectives.
Curiosity plays a key role in effective communication, with Brooks noting that those who ask engaging questions and show interest in others are more successful in creating meaningful conversations. Gates, in agreement with Brooks’ observations, emphasizes the importance of asking open-ended questions to invite deeper sharing and understanding. On the other hand, diminishers, who lack curiosity and only focus on themselves, may hinder authentic connections with others.
Empathy-building skills are crucial for understanding and relating to the experiences of others. Brooks breaks down empathy into three skills: mirroring, mentalizing, and caring. By acknowledging and reflecting the emotions of others, providing insight, and expressing care and support, individuals can cultivate more impactful and meaningful interactions. Gates also highlights the significance of showing empathy, especially when discussing sensitive topics with others.
Self-awareness is another key aspect of Brooks’ book, as he encourages individuals to reflect on their own biases and perspectives. By challenging oneself to ask, “What am I missing here?” and seeking feedback from friends and colleagues, individuals can gain valuable insights into how others perceive them. By engaging in introspection and seeking external perspectives, individuals can identify and address their own biases to improve how they approach and connect with others.
Brooks’ book provides a framework for deepening relationships and broadening perspectives through enhancing communication skills, empathy, and self-awareness. By embracing curiosity, empathy, and self-awareness, individuals can foster more meaningful connections with others and gain a greater understanding of different perspectives. Gates’ recommendation of this book underscores the importance of continuous growth and development in communication and relationships.
In conclusion, “How To Know A Person” offers practical insights and strategies for improving interactions with others and fostering more meaningful relationships. By applying the principles of curiosity, empathy, and self-awareness, individuals can enhance their communication skills, deepen their connections, and gain a broader perspective on the world around them. This book serves as a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their relationships and communication abilities.
