In a viral Instagram video, licensed therapist Erin Spahr sparked a conversation about whether men are equipped to handle modern relationships. She highlighted the imbalance in many marriages, particularly the mental and emotional load carried by women, and urged men to develop emotional skills such as empathy and communication to be equal partners. Spahr’s video has resonated with many women who are seeking partners who share the mental and emotional load of parenting and domestic labor, rather than just bringing home a paycheck.
Spahr explained that women today, being the most educated generation, are no longer settling for partnerships where they feel like ‘married single moms’. She emphasized that modern women expect more from their male partners to ease the burden of domestic labor and child care responsibilities, as many women are juggling work outside the home as well. Spahr believes that society has not adequately prepared men for the emotional work required in modern partnerships, and highlighted the gap between what women expect from their male partners and what they are actually getting in terms of support.
Licensed psychotherapist Renee Zavislak echoed Spahr’s observations, noting that women in their 40s often feel emotionally and romantically disconnected from their partners due to the lack of emotional support. Many women express feeling tapped out from the emotional labor of raising children and working, while their husbands are not sharing the emotional load or adding to it. When this criticism comes up in relationships, men often react defensively, missing the point that women are looking for emotional literacy and maturity from their partners.
Both experts agree that men are still missing the mark in modern relationships and need to invest in their emotional growth and step up in their partnerships. Spahr’s hope is that her video will serve as a wake-up call for people to examine issues of gender equity and emotional compatibility in their relationships. As more women are choosing not to settle for emotionally unequal partnerships, the pressure is on men to adapt to meet the expectations of contemporary relationships or risk losing their relationships later on.
Spahr’s theory has sparked a conversation about emotional labor, intelligence, and modern relationships. She emphasized the need for men to catch up in developing emotional skills such as empathy and communication to be equal partners in today’s relationships. Many women are seeking partners who are present and share the mental and emotional load of parenting and domestic labor, rather than just bringing home a paycheck. The gap between what women expect from their male partners and what they are actually getting in terms of support highlights the need for men to invest in their emotional growth and step up in their relationships for both parties to thrive.
